Once a relationship gets to a point where there is less fun and more arguments and more fights. I believe it is time to call it quits. I may regret my decision but i think it's for the best for me right now. I can't be in a relationship where the other person tries to be more dominant or they cannot simply be spontaneous. "What are we doing tomorrow?" "I don't know" "Well think of something to do."... umm... No. I like spontaneity I like doing things without time constraints or like sleeping in on a Sunday morning without having to worry about what time we have to be somewhere. I may regret this later she is sweet has a good head on her shoulders, but I felt like my mission was to please her and at the same time not satisfy myself. I did my best to make her happy but, at the same time I was not happy myself.

I'm on day 6 of quitting smoking via cold turkey.

I've tried the electric cigarette, the gum, the patches... they've all failed me even following pharmacists and doctors advice. Such as with the patches: Step 1 for 4 weeks, Step 2 for 4 Weeks, and Step 3 for 4 weeks.

I have to say it's a tremendous feat to have made it this far. The first two days were the worst. I was smoking two packs a day and what made me finally decide to want to quit so badly is that I am spending on average about ~$3,650/year, ~$10/day smoking two packs a day. I figured I'd rather spend $75/week on some kind of gourmet steak dinner .

Anyway, quitting cold turkey had some effects on me mentally and physically.

Day 1:
6 Hours - Usually I would have smoked 3/4th of a pack in this time frame. Cravings start to really hang on to me. I counteracted this by just eating all kinds of stuff. Crackers, Candy, Gummy Bears, Sodas, Energy Drinks. Which seemed to take some of the edge off.

12 hours - Started getting a really anxious feeling way worse and craving them tremendously. Unable to sleep. Tossing and turning. Actually my emotional balance was so far off the norm for me I actually started crying at this point. I needed to sleep and I took Nyquil and 2 shots of Jack Daniels.

20 hours (3AM) - Woke up to a really really vivid dream(might have been the Nyquil + Jack Combo) but started sweating like a pig and vomiting, passed out on the bathroom floor.

Day 2:
Woke up 9AM - Was able to wake up with out any odd feelings until I got out of the shower. I really needed a cigarette. I felt extremely weak.

6 Hours Later - Seemed like the more alert I was and more active I was throughout the day the cravings became worse and worse.

12 hours later - After dinner, again craving a cigarette like all smokers do after they eat. Nervous feeling and hands and fingers shaking. Hard to sleep throughout the night, no dreams this time, and no waking up in the middle of the night for Nyquil and Jack, I was able to sleep a little better than the night before.

Day 3: Cravings still exist but not nearly as bad as day 1 or 2.

Day 4: I don't know what happened this was a horrible day. Most likely stress induced due to arguments with my girlfriend and stressed about money and work and trying to get ahead in life. And trying to quit. Sleepless and really really pushed to the edge.

Day 5: Yesterday... really more manageable

Day 6: Today... manageable. Cravings not so bad anymore.

Just insane to go from 2 packs a day to none. I think this is working out so far. The worst was Day 1 2 and 4. But I feel a lot more calm now and I still haven't had a cigarette. Wish me luck with quitting completely!

I couldn't win a SnG to save my life last night. I was playing such soft games too. $5 DoN's and kept busting out going in with the 2nd best all night. I didn't tilt I just LOL'ed at how bad I was running. Oh well, took a break after laughing, because soon enough it became less funny. And I was certainly doomed by the poker gods.

BR Peaked at around $760 last night when I played $25NL Rush and played a few SnG's and MTTs. Made a few bucks on STTs but lost some on MTTs so FT BR gained only a little bit. Sitting on $728.69 ATM.

Also made a deposit on Bodog for $300 today.

K so saved up enough to put in as much as I wanted in my prior blog post, but have changed my mind. I put $600 on Full Tilt, $200 on Pokerstars, and debating whether or not to put $300-$400 on Bodog. We will see.

Life's been busy busy busy not much "me" time. Anyway, Things should be looking up here shortly. Saving up some funds, going to put 40% on Full Tilt and 40% on Pokerstars, 10% on Bodog, 5% to Ub, and 5% to some other random site, probably Carbon. Around a total of about $6k (or a little more) in the next few weeks.

So my Bankrolls will be:

Full Tilt: $2400
Pokerstars: $2400
Bodog: $600
UltimateBet: $300
Carbon (or other): $300***
--------------------------
Total: $6000

I can play the real games, and only have to deal with the occasional 63/40, or the ones who call with Ax to the river and hit an ace against my KK.

Nice. I <3 Money

*** = I might bypass this one and just buy 2 more 24" monitors and stands for all 4. LOLZ

FullTilt:
With my last $.69 on FT I built it up with $.30 satellites and got it up enough to where I could play $2NL with 5 buy-in's. Got that up to $20, played $5NL Rush with $2.50 on 4 entries built that up as well and the whole time accruing rake back, then played $1 SnG's and $1.50 super turbo 6-Handed SnG's. Helluva ride and from $.69 to $49

Pokerstars:
Nice little BR boost playing the $2 90 man SnG took 4th for $17.xx, busted last night when I ran into a set vs. my overpair, then played 3 $5 Double or nothings and won all three of them. Nice little run for a small BR boost.